“Just Say Hello! ”

Helping your child to say hello to others.

Setting the scene

Picture this — You are off to visit Grandma. Your four year old is chatting away in the car and you casually remind them “Remember to say hello to Grandma”. Your child becomes quiet. You pull up at Grandma’s and as you approach the front door, you say it again “Remember to say hello to Grandma”. Grandma opens the door all smiles and suddenly it feels like you are in the middle of a military stand off. The four year old is hiding behind your legs, Grandma is enthusiastically asking for a cuddle, a hug, a kiss. You are trying to peel your child off your legs, all the while issuing reminders behind gritted teeth “Just say hello… it’s nice to say hello”. Let’s face it, it’s bound to go down hill from here! The good news is that it doesn’t have to be like this. Remember, our preschoolers are still learning. Three or four years is not a very long time to have been on the planet. With a bit of patience and restraint from the adults in these situations, arrivals and departures can become less stressful for everyone.

Helpful Tips to Facilitate Smoother Arrivals and Departures

• The best approach is to set a good example. If your child sees his/her/their parents greeting each other, teachers and friends, they will start to pick up on this habit.
• Remember — your child is not “being rude” — they are doing the best that they can — they are learning about the conventions of social behaviour. This takes time.
• Try not to make a big deal of it in front of your child. The more time you spend telling your child to “Say hello to Mrs Smith…” or correcting your child, the less opportunity your child has to actually learn from you about pleasant, natural exchanges between people.
• Try to avoid labeling your child or talking about him/her/them in front of adults — saying words such as “she’s just shy” or “he’s lost his manners today” is not helpful and simply serves to make an anxious or difficult situation worse for your child.
• The best approach is to not even mention the issue of saying hello or goodbye to your child. Chances are you have spoken with your child about it previously — so no need to go over it. Simply continue to greet your friends and family naturally (not in a forced or pointed way) — and this will help take the pressure off your child.
• Be aware that if your child doesn’t say hello in the first instance upon arrival at preschool (or other destination) they usually will once they have settled in.
• At preschool we often notice that a child might acknowledge us quietly, with a smile or a little hand gesture, or even a whispered hello — but this can be easy to miss.
• It’s not a good idea to push children into giving someone a cuddle or a kiss — even if it is family or a trusted friend. We want children to be able to make their own decisions about their personal space and what feels good and right for them at the time. If a relative or adult is asking for a cuddle, you can help by gently saying “It’s OK, you don’t have to cuddle if you don’t want to. We can just wave or smile if you like”.
• Remember — there is a lot of learning to do when you are a child! If your child is already feeling a bit anxious about the moment of saying hello or goodbye, the best role for parents or carers at that time is to be an advocate for your child — hold his/her/their hand, give them a reassuring pat or a cuddle and help your child to feel loved and respected by you.
• For the most part, children will pick up on this practice of saying hello and goodbye in time… Just be patient, and stay calm. 

Felicity Barclay

email: director@gordonpreschool.com.au